Dearest Father...
For those of you who don't know, I have a brother. He's four years younger than me and has recently joined the airforce. In fact, he's finishing up tech school right now and I will be picking him up on the 31st of October. From there he's shipping out to Korea. I must say, I'm extremely proud of him. This is the guy that one year ago sat on his butt all day playing World of Warcraft, when he wasn't working at Home Depot.
All that aside, my brother is a very hilarious person. Like me, he's sarcastic and witty, only I think a little more so. I definitely miss joking with him and coming up with bogus stories and scenarios. One thing he's always been able to do is make my Dad laugh uncontrollably. I mean, he'll get him to literally roll on the floor and laugh. My Dad often jokes with us that we should call him or write and say stuff like "Dad, you're the coolest guy ever, I wish I was half as manly as you" Of course, He just likes to mess with us, however... my brother finally took him up on that. Here is the letter he wrote him just a few days ago:
Dearest Father,
I had some extra time today so I decided to write you this letter and tell you how cool and strong you are. You are the most awesome person in the world. I can't wait until I get home so you can wrestle me down to the ground and pinch my cheeks. Even though I have been working out the past few months, that still won't be enough to stand a fair chance against your tremendous strength. You arms are as thick and powerful as the mightiest of redwoods. Your legs are as hairy and as fierce as two bull mammoths. Your burps are like hurricanes and your flatulence shakes even the tallest of mountains. Hulk Hogan and Bruce Willis tremble at the mere mention of your name. Even Chuck Norris thinks twice about crossing your path. You are the mightiest of all mortals. Men and giants alike spend their entire lives pursuing just a fraction of the power you have obtained. No burrito can satisfy your hunger, nor can any Red Bull quench your thirst. You drink the rivers dry and consume all that Taco Bell has to offer. You are Ralph, Champion of landscaping and Ruler of nurseries. But above all, you are my dad.
Your humble and adoring son,
Scott
Yes, my Dad is a Landscaper and nursery owner... and no burrito can satisfy his hunger.
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