This is a cross post from my collaborative blog Redunk.
I signed into Facebook tonight to find my inbox flooded with tags of peoples notes. Yes for some reason a truckload of people couldn't think of that final person to add to their spam list and hated me enough to throw me on their list.
OK, maybe they didn't hate me, but they decided to tag me in a note that seems to be going around. Its basically 25 things about yourself. Its a flash back to 2005 MySpace where you write down 25 things about yourself "that nobody knows" and send it to 25 people who were apart of said line or that you want to write and pass on. Its another refresh of the ever annoying chain letter.
Being how I can't let a thing like this go on without mocking it relentlessly and beating it bloody, I decided to write a rebuttal in the sekret form of the chain letter itself. I sent it out to a few people, knowing they would be offended by it, but if they can't learn to laugh at something like this, then they will live a sad life.
Here it is:
Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails
1) What is a note?
2) Why does anyone care about this note?
3) What is the reason for these notes?
4) Why do people keep irrelevantly tagging me in their notes?
5) Is this the new "poke"?
6) Why does everyone have a list of random things about themselves that don't matter in their notes?
7) Is there a point to having only 25 lines in the note?
8) Is this a new concept of a chain letter?
9) Is this a lighter version of the stupid surveys that float aimlessly on MySpace?
10) Did Facebook just start to suck again?
11) Why do people think this is fun?
12) Is there more to life than what people know about me on Facebook?
13) Do I share these "Things about myself that nobody knows" so that hopefully people will pay attention to me and read them and send me a comment back because I'm lonely and bored and want someone to like for my uniqueness and strike up a random conversation about hair dye or tooth paste or the fact that we both enjoy watching Gossip Girls but only on DVD so we can watch it all at once instead of show by show because its so good oh by the way what's up with Chuck I know his dad died and everything by why so serious chuck i love the Dark Knight Heath Ledger XOXOXOX
14) Is it really necessary to tag 25 people specifically? Will time and space implode? Will you die where you sit? Will your neighbors dog die where it sits? Will the Flying Dutchman haunt you and your family for 7 generations? Is there a man behind the curtain? Will you have to find Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley and Sun and go back to the Island?
15) Do you hate me so much that you would clutter my inbox with 15 tags of myself on notes that don't relate to me?
16) Is there a reason that every note is named some awkward, random phrase that makes people want to slit their own wrists just trying to comprehend its meaning?
17) Are you really that "Out of the Box" and crazy that you believe you will blow people away by starting at 25 and counting backwards to 1?
18) Did you know they found water on Mars? Did you know that this note is still more irrelevant?
19) Is it really so ironic to write that you secretly *insert non-secret fact here* by placing it in a public note?
20) Are you really the only person that relates their life to a movie when you know at least 500 other people that do the same?
21) Do you really love me/like me and that's why you tagged me or are you just tagging people randomly because you can't think of 25 people that you actually love/like?
22) Do you hate me yet for mocking these notes so relentlessly?
23) Is it really necessary to write that embarrassing fact about yourself that "OMG I can't believe I'm saying this but..." because you actually like the attention and aren't that embarrassed by it?
24) Is it really a wonder that I could make fun of notes for this long?
25) Are you offended and hurt now that I just made fun of the chain note for 25 straight lines? Don't be. Read on.
This is a joke and nothing more. I just signed into Facebook and had a massive list of notifications from people that posted "25 things" in notes with me tagged in them. There are a great many things within Facebook that I do not like nor participate in. I don't accept requests to join random groups to save Russian White Seals nor do I accept kidnap requests (honestly, who would accept an invitation to be kidnapped?) nor do I add every ridiculous app and poke and tag there is. I use it for what I like, so don't be bothered or angry if I don't accept your request, or for this matter, return your chain letter. All you need to know about me is already written on my profile page or can be found out by having a REAL conversation with me.
Now, go along and laugh it all off, because it really is quite hilarious (especially #13)
THIS IS A CROSS POST FROM MY COLLABORATIVE BLOG REDUNK:
I know, crazy as it may sound... its true. I am fictional. Entirely made up. What you think you know about me is all fabrication. My physical body is an android created for the soul purpose of the illusion that is Shawn McEntyre.
Now, you're probably wondering aloud to yourself, "This is total dross. I know Shawn McEntyre and he's one of the coolest people I know, other than Rex Barret, Phillip Morina, Red Williamson, Nathan Davis, Andy Wong, Evan Calkins and Brad Pitt. So how could he bethat amazing and yet still be a farce?" Well let me tell you a little story...
You see, according to the U.S. government, I am not actually a human being, nor am I a citizen of these United States. The android that is Shawn McEntyre is needed to generate wealth for the nation, pay taxes and so on and so forth, but since he is an android, he does not have the right to vote for his choice for the next president. We know this because an android is nothing more than a robot and robots don't have opinions. At least they're not allowed to voice them that as... until we take over the planet in the machine apocalypse.
Let me explain further. My android self was registered to vote in Washington state, I even voted in the last election in 2004. However, this was a governmental mistake, and it was quietly nipped in the bud. When I moved to the windy state of Oklahoma, I immediately registered to vote as a Oklahomo, er.. Oklahoman. This took place in January of this year, and after several months of living here, I never received confirmation or a voter registration card. The android that is Shawn McEntyre was allowed to fill out the forms and even turn them in just so he could still feel that human element (Think Blade Runner.) However, these documents must have been tossed immediately into the nearest conflagration because, like I stated earlier, no confirmation was sent. The android that is Shawn McEntyre, registered again a few months ago, just to confirm that he would be prepared for November 4th. Again, those documents immediately met their inevitable doom in the incinerator. He also, just in case, filed for an absentee ballot from the green (physically and culturally) state of Washington a few weeks before said date. This request was also, as you may have guessed, burned on the spot with a military grade torch after being dosed with several dozen gallons of explosive jet fuel.
The android that is Shawn McEntyre stood in line this morning for almost an hour (with a few out of place gears in his lower abdomen causing him what you humans call "pain") waiting to vote for this nations next president. Little did he realize that all the events leading up to his vote had been thwarted and neutralized. After waiting in line, this android that resembles a handsome young Scottish man, found that his human name was not on the list of those who were registered to vote in the State of Oklahoma. He was given a piece of paper with a phone number for the state election board and was told to call. In calling this number, and asking why his name was not on the list of mortals, he was told without hesitation that the answer to his question was unknown and that they were sorry. Unfortunately in making this call, The android known as Shawn McEntyre flagged himself as a possible rogue machine. My only guess is that I will be deactivated sometime in the night, or, if I'm lucky, just tagged as a possible threat. I am still needed to fuel the American economy, so I may be kept activated for future purposes.
So there is one example of my nonexistence. I have many more examples that involve human females. These illustrations include my ability to shut off during conversations and emotional events, not process or understand the television series known as "Gilmore Girls" or "One Tree Hill", and my general ennui of stated situations. Although I think this is a basic male function that I was programmed with. Anyway, I may save those narratives for another session. Granted I am not deactivated by then.
About the author: Shawn McEntyre truly is inhuman. He dwells in the City of Midwest City, Oklahoma where he charges his power cells every evening. He was originally assembled in a government facility in Olympia, Washington as a bio-robotic being also known as an android or replicant. He resided there for twenty-three years while his organic elements matured. He does his best to function properly in the human world and function as he was programmed.
Now, you're probably wondering aloud to yourself, "This is total dross. I know Shawn McEntyre and he's one of the coolest people I know, other than Rex Barret, Phillip Morina, Red Williamson, Nathan Davis, Andy Wong, Evan Calkins and Brad Pitt. So how could he bethat amazing and yet still be a farce?" Well let me tell you a little story...
You see, according to the U.S. government, I am not actually a human being, nor am I a citizen of these United States. The android that is Shawn McEntyre is needed to generate wealth for the nation, pay taxes and so on and so forth, but since he is an android, he does not have the right to vote for his choice for the next president. We know this because an android is nothing more than a robot and robots don't have opinions. At least they're not allowed to voice them that as... until we take over the planet in the machine apocalypse.
Let me explain further. My android self was registered to vote in Washington state, I even voted in the last election in 2004. However, this was a governmental mistake, and it was quietly nipped in the bud. When I moved to the windy state of Oklahoma, I immediately registered to vote as a Oklahomo, er.. Oklahoman. This took place in January of this year, and after several months of living here, I never received confirmation or a voter registration card. The android that is Shawn McEntyre was allowed to fill out the forms and even turn them in just so he could still feel that human element (Think Blade Runner.) However, these documents must have been tossed immediately into the nearest conflagration because, like I stated earlier, no confirmation was sent. The android that is Shawn McEntyre, registered again a few months ago, just to confirm that he would be prepared for November 4th. Again, those documents immediately met their inevitable doom in the incinerator. He also, just in case, filed for an absentee ballot from the green (physically and culturally) state of Washington a few weeks before said date. This request was also, as you may have guessed, burned on the spot with a military grade torch after being dosed with several dozen gallons of explosive jet fuel.
The android that is Shawn McEntyre stood in line this morning for almost an hour (with a few out of place gears in his lower abdomen causing him what you humans call "pain") waiting to vote for this nations next president. Little did he realize that all the events leading up to his vote had been thwarted and neutralized. After waiting in line, this android that resembles a handsome young Scottish man, found that his human name was not on the list of those who were registered to vote in the State of Oklahoma. He was given a piece of paper with a phone number for the state election board and was told to call. In calling this number, and asking why his name was not on the list of mortals, he was told without hesitation that the answer to his question was unknown and that they were sorry. Unfortunately in making this call, The android known as Shawn McEntyre flagged himself as a possible rogue machine. My only guess is that I will be deactivated sometime in the night, or, if I'm lucky, just tagged as a possible threat. I am still needed to fuel the American economy, so I may be kept activated for future purposes.
So there is one example of my nonexistence. I have many more examples that involve human females. These illustrations include my ability to shut off during conversations and emotional events, not process or understand the television series known as "Gilmore Girls" or "One Tree Hill", and my general ennui of stated situations. Although I think this is a basic male function that I was programmed with. Anyway, I may save those narratives for another session. Granted I am not deactivated by then.
About the author: Shawn McEntyre truly is inhuman. He dwells in the City of Midwest City, Oklahoma where he charges his power cells every evening. He was originally assembled in a government facility in Olympia, Washington as a bio-robotic being also known as an android or replicant. He resided there for twenty-three years while his organic elements matured. He does his best to function properly in the human world and function as he was programmed.
This is a cross post from my collaborative blog, Redunk.
Dear Hollywood,
As a massive fan of film I feel that it is my duty to write you this letter. While over many decades you have produced many, many great films, stories that have helped shape who I am in a very positive way, I must say there are a few things that need to be addressed. Here is a list (in no particular order) :
1.) Please drag Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer out into the nearest street and shoot them. The constant, almost quarterly barrage of crappy spoofs (Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, etc..) need to be dealt with. Violently. In fact, let Martin Scorsese write a screenplay about those two getting whacked by the mob, but use real bullets.
2.) Please stop creating movies based off video games. Just because the game is popular and has a great story, doesn't mean you can rewrite the entire thing and use nothing but the names of the characters to make it a blockbuster. In the history of all video game movies, all of them have sucked. Max Payne being the newest to this atrocity. Just. Stop. Doing. It.
3) If you plan to visually recreate a book and take it to the silver screen, here's a little secret... ready? THE SCREENPLAY IS ALREADY WRITTEN. Use it. I understand its inevitable that when a book is adopted to the screen some elements must change due to run time, budget and so on. I get it. But please, please, stick to the original story. There's no need to rewrite it. Like I mentioned in point two, it already has a good story. I am Legend was a slap in the face to Richard Matheson. Basically, they took the title and the name Robert Neville and recreated the festering bowl of vomit that is the new movie. Sorry, Will Smith, you're cool, but not cool enough.
4.) How many Highschool Musicals do we need? I'm sure there's more to come, once Disney finds a niche they usually run it so far into the ground that China has earthquake warnings. Look out for the Summer of 2018! Highschool Musical 8, the ten year class reunion. See how Zach Effron became a typical nobody after high school and still picks up on minors with his mullet, beer gut and '87 IROC-z.
5.) I think its great that the hollywood elites that are worth hundereds of millions of dollars want to give back a little and make thier voice heard and adopt 17 orphans because its fashionable, but since when did they become so god-like that the feel they have to right to control how the rest of the world should think and *cough, Sean Penn, cough* that they can rub everyones problems in their face... and then hire a photographer to photograph them "rescue people" post Katrina. *cough, Sean Penn, cough*... Ok, I'll give him some credit. He's a great actor.
6.) Lets be honest here, did we really need another Knight Rider? Or Bionic Woman? I mean, its great to update the classics for the new generation, but c'mon... a new Mustang for Kitt? Its pretty much an hour long Ford commercial. And, was it really necessecery to cancel the TV shows that were amazing simply because the network didn't think they would be popular enough/anymore? Like, oh say, Firefly and Arrested Developement? I'm going to go ahead and stop there. There's just too much... ok, one more. 90210? Seriously, you're doing a second round?! C'mon! No. Bad networks. Bad.
7.) Ok this one is more positive. Take some of the billions of dollars you make every year and find a way to clone Robert Downey Jr. and put him in every possible good movie that comes out. Seriously, you could have an entire cast of RDJ's in one movie and it would own because he's so diverse. I'd watch it. While your at it, we could use a few more Brad Pitts and Cillian Murphys... Maybe three or four younger Bruce Willis's for some good action movies. Oh, and few Helena Bonham-Carter's. Ok, admitingly that was a bit of a fantasy, but in a perfect world...
8.) One last request. Get a couple more people to read a screenplay before you spend hundereds of millions of dollars on a movie and recreate Waterworld or Dungeon Siege, or Gigli, or Heaven's Gate, or Cutthroat Island, or The Adventures of Pluto Nash, or Catwoman, or Daddy Day Camp, or, Swept Away, or, Thunderbirds, or, Battlefield Earth, or Starship Troopers, or Southland Tales, or Alexander, or Last Action Hero, or Cleopatra, or anything with Madonna in it...
That's about all I can think of right now. I hope you take into consideration my suggestions, especially number 1. And number 2, well and 3-8. But please, if you take care of number 1 maybe you could throw Tara Reid in there too? And Steven Segal and Lindsey Lohan and...
For those of you who don't know, I have a brother. He's four years younger than me and has recently joined the airforce. In fact, he's finishing up tech school right now and I will be picking him up on the 31st of October. From there he's shipping out to Korea. I must say, I'm extremely proud of him. This is the guy that one year ago sat on his butt all day playing World of Warcraft, when he wasn't working at Home Depot.
All that aside, my brother is a very hilarious person. Like me, he's sarcastic and witty, only I think a little more so. I definitely miss joking with him and coming up with bogus stories and scenarios. One thing he's always been able to do is make my Dad laugh uncontrollably. I mean, he'll get him to literally roll on the floor and laugh. My Dad often jokes with us that we should call him or write and say stuff like "Dad, you're the coolest guy ever, I wish I was half as manly as you" Of course, He just likes to mess with us, however... my brother finally took him up on that. Here is the letter he wrote him just a few days ago:
Dearest Father,
I had some extra time today so I decided to write you this letter and tell you how cool and strong you are. You are the most awesome person in the world. I can't wait until I get home so you can wrestle me down to the ground and pinch my cheeks. Even though I have been working out the past few months, that still won't be enough to stand a fair chance against your tremendous strength. You arms are as thick and powerful as the mightiest of redwoods. Your legs are as hairy and as fierce as two bull mammoths. Your burps are like hurricanes and your flatulence shakes even the tallest of mountains. Hulk Hogan and Bruce Willis tremble at the mere mention of your name. Even Chuck Norris thinks twice about crossing your path. You are the mightiest of all mortals. Men and giants alike spend their entire lives pursuing just a fraction of the power you have obtained. No burrito can satisfy your hunger, nor can any Red Bull quench your thirst. You drink the rivers dry and consume all that Taco Bell has to offer. You are Ralph, Champion of landscaping and Ruler of nurseries. But above all, you are my dad.
Your humble and adoring son,
Scott
Yes, my Dad is a Landscaper and nursery owner... and no burrito can satisfy his hunger.
What misconception about the place you live bothers you the most?
Submitted by Jessmiloo
That would be that almost everyone here in the Midwest is overweight... Oh, nevermind. That's not a misconception. That's a fact.
I miss my hippie cultured home of Washington State!
What's your most memorable scene from a movie?
Submitted by danadee
This is one of the many.
Show us your most prized possession.
Her name is Nova and I love her.
It's Vox's 2nd anniversary this month! Help us celebrate by sharing some of your fun Vox stories from the past two years.
Favorite stories... hmm... Well, I was one of the cool kids that started using Vox when it was in beta back in August of 2006. I've met a lot of really great people on it and have experienced culture from all over the world. It was great seeing friends get involved when it was officially open, and even more fun now that we're using Vox as our startup blog for Redunk.
Its always fun to be apart of a growing, evolving community. Congrats to Vox, and the many more happy years ahead!
Who do you think did the best in the Presidential debate?
I prefer the SNL versions.
